My struggles with Christianity

Guest post from my dad, Bob Russo

My son and your friend, pastor, or relative Chris Russo has been pestering me to write a guest blog since he was two years old…can you believe it?! Okay, maybe it started a few weeks ago, but boy, can he be persistent. “Dad, let’s snuggle.” “Dad, mind if I trounce you in ping pong again?” “Dad, how about TWO boxes of Pop Tarts?” I tell ya’, it if‘s not one thing, it’s another. (By the way, if it’s not one thing, of COURSE it’s another. What genius came up with that one?!)

Okay, I really have put off writing this blog for a few weeks, but only because I didn’t know where to start, let alone what to share. So I finally decided to jump in, silly words first, and see where that might take me, and you know what? It worked.

For me, being a Christian is more work than pleasure. My brain is always dissecting, wondering, and seeking clarity. That all began my sophomore year at Assumption University in Worcester, MA when my roots in Catholicism began to crumble. After much thought and discussion – mostly with Father Ron, an Assumptionist priest who lived on my dormitory floor – I finally declared myself a non-Catholic and have never looked back.

That move, however, did not propel me to search for another Church or faith-related  affiliation. I was content at age 20, and still am, with my core faith and limited participation in organized worship.

Then along came young Christopher Scott Russo, hopping into my car at Bradley International Airport near Hartford, freshly returned home for Christmas break from his first semester at College of Charleston, who practically exploded with news of his born-again experience, the one that had so enveloped and transformed him just hours earlier. Seated next to me, he was shaken but chatty. I tried to listen objectively. His brothers barely recognized him throughout his four-week stay. And his poor maternal grandparents nodded knowingly each time Chris promised to pray for their everlasting souls, not fully convinced that their souls needed the extra push.

What kind of father would let his son sally forth on such a journey of faith without playing an active role? A bad father, I decided. And while it took some time, I did eventually begin a parallel journey of my own…attending his services, providing financial support for his mission work, reading his books and blogs, reading faith-based books with him and recommended by him, and often having long discussions on a variety of topics,  especially about things that still bother me and prevent me from embracing Christianity for all its worth.

Ready for a taste of my internal struggle? Well, if Christianity is so “all that,” why has it been invented so many times…by the likes of Lutherans, Calvinists, Methodists, Presbyterians, Baptists, and all the rest? Sure, I suppose I could hook up with a non-denominational church such as Riverland, but aren’t they denominations unto themselves, each with its own set of rules, practices, and ideas on how to live a Christian life?

  

I’m also troubled by such disparate personas as Satan and Mary. Both are prominent in the Bible, and yet both remain conspicuously absent from Christian Sunday services…again, referencing my experiences only.  And don’t get me started on the wide, flawed world of Evangelicals, or the “fact” that only those who accept Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior can be saved – with billions of apologies to our Jewish friends and neighbors, those born before Christ’s time on earth, and all other non-Christians, then and now.    

Boiling it all down, I’m not a joiner, especially not of restrictive clubs. So, unless unholy noises are encouraged during Church services and it’s okay to make my neighbors laugh while I feign ignorant bliss, I’m not destined to be an “every Sunday” kind of guy. Another participation blocker came from renowned Christian author, Tim Keller, who wrote that the people who regularly attend Christian church services are the least Christian-like in thought and deed. Not exactly a ringing endorsement of your average congregation, is it?

Unlike most Christians I’ve encountered, I don’t pray for outcomes, but I do pray for understanding and acceptance, which I supposed are outcomes unto themselves. But I draw the line  at asking God to spare a life or nudge my team toward a championship, only to blame Him should my request be “denied.”     

I believe in God, the Holy Trinity, life everlasting, and the need to act and be as God-like as possible. And, funny as this might sound, I consider myself a Christian. It’s the how’s, what’s, and what if’s that I struggle with.