A difficult aspect of parenting

Apologizing to your kids

Photo by mark tulin on Unsplash

As any parent can attest to, with each stage of parenting comes a unique set of challenges. My boys are currently 14, 13 and 9, and I think it’s safe to say Abbi and I are building the plane while it’s flying. One of the things I didn’t anticipate when it comes to having teenagers is how wise they become to your weaknesses and shortcomings. When Abbi and I have any tension be

tween us, at least one of them is most likely going to notice. If we say we’re going to do something and fail to follow through, they tend to make it very clear it has an impact on them. When I lose my temper and say something out of anger, they’re generally able to discern what’s going on.

One simple thing I’ve tried to do is make sure I apologize to them when I hurt them in any way. Also, when it seems appropriate, I circle back with them if Abbi and I ever have any kind of a significant conflict in front of them. I’ll let them know I was rude to mom and apologize to them for my behavior. Fortunately, this doesn’t happen all the time, but when it does, I have not found it easy to swallow my pride.

There’s a part of me that wants to be like, “I’m the dad and I’m not accountable to you. You have no idea what it’s like to be an adult, you have very little responsibility, and I don’t need to apologize to you for anything.” I’ve just decided that’s not a voice I want to listen to. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think it’s necessary to apologize to them for every little misstep, so if I’m not sure if an apology is needed, I’ll usually consult with Abbi to make sure I’m not making something out of nothing.

I just genuinely believe parenting is more caught than taught and while I know an apology doesn’t undo whatever mistake I’ve made, I’m trusting it’ll pay dividends in the future. I want my boys to understand I’ve very aware I’m a work in progress and trying to get better every day. Apologizing to them also provides a level of accountability for me because I don’t want to apologize to them over and over for the exact same things. In other words, acknowledging where I’m falling short helps provide some additional motivation for me to grow.

I don’t find apologizing to be easy in any relationship, especially when you feel somewhat justified in the way you acted. I’m sure we’re all aware of the fact that we can be very wrong and very right at the exact same time. Those seem to be the most difficult apologies to give because while I may have been technically right in what I said, my timing and delivery could have been all wrong. Being willing to ask for forgiveness and apologize is part of the lifeblood of any relationship, but depending on our different backgrounds, it can be incredibly challenging.

Proverbs 28:13 says, “Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.” Even when the individual I apologize to doesn’t receive my apology, my list of relational regrets is very small because I’ve tried to stay true to this principle. So, is there anyone you owe an apology to? Is there someone whose forgiveness you need to seek? It does take a certain amount of humility and courage to address the subject, especially if the apology is long overdue, but it’s worth the temporary pain if it means potentially salvaging a broken relationship.